One More Thing: New Oracle Cloud free tier better than AWS free tier

Larry Ellison just concluded his Oracle OpenWorld keynote with the announcement of an Oracle Cloud free tier that is better than the AWS free tier. The Oracle Cloud free tier never expires and includes the crown jewels. The slides say it all.

Northern California Oracle Users Group organizes the mother of all competitions

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

SILICON VALLEY (APRIL 1, 2019)

In a coolly calculated effort to promote its spring conference featuring a full-day Oracle Database security master class with Oracle ACE director alumnus Dan Morgan on Thursday, May 9 at the PayPal Town Hall in San Jose, the Northern California Oracle Users Group (NoCOUG) is conducting the mother of all competitions with the grand prize being a lifetime NoCOUG individual membership worth a cool $9500 USD at the going rate of $95 USD per year.

Unlike the insanely difficult SQL competitions of the past which required contestants to be brainiacs, the latest NoCOUG competition is as simple as doing an expense report. The winner will be the contestant who has notattended the most NoCOUG conferences even after receiving numerous reminder e-mails. What could be simpler?

The minimum bar is 20 missed NoCOUG conferences in the last five years. For each NoCOUG conference they did not attend during that period, contestants must submit a printout of at least one reminder e-mail they received for that conference plus documentary evidence proving beyond a reasonable doubt that they did not attend that conference. Extra credit will be awarded for multiple reminder e-mails. In lieu of documentary evidence, the judges may, in their discretion, entertain creative excuses such as “I had to go to the doctor to have my head examined” or “I know so much about Oracle Database already that my head felt like it would explode.” If there is a tie, the judges will score the excuses. Opera tickets trump movie tickets, and so on and so forth.

When asked why NoCOUG is rewarding the cool kids who don’t drink the Kool-Aid, the membership director said solemnly: “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.”

The parable of the lost sheep

She continued: “Or suppose a woman has ten silver coins and loses one. Doesn’t she light a lamp, sweep the house and search carefully until she finds it? And when she finds it, she calls her friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost coin.’”

The parable of the lost coin

The winner will be announced on Thursday, May 9, the date of the spring conference at the PayPal Town Hall in San Jose featuring the aforementioned full-day Oracle Database security master class with Oracle ACE director alumnus Dan Morgan. Contestants must claim their prize in person. Of course, attending the conference is an automatic disqualification but c’est la vie. Or as they say in Canada, “ये जो है ज़िन्दगी.”

Also see: Cupcake Wars at NoCOUG Spring Conference

 

NoCOUG watchers protest despicable tactics being used by NoCOUG management

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

NoCOUG watchers protest despicable tactics being used by NoCOUG management

SILICON VALLEY (NOVEMBER 13, 2014) – Veteran NoCOUG watchers all over Northern California have been protesting the despicable tactics being used by NoCOUG management to lure Oracle Database professionals to the NoCOUG conference at the beautiful eBay Town Hall next week. Instead of relying on the sheer quality of the technical education that NoCOUG has to offer, NoCOUG management is trying to tempt Oracle professionals with mouth-watering lunch options from the eBay cafeteria. The menu includes chicken tikka masala, palak paneer, aloo gobi(vegan), vegetable poriyal, chick pea salad, vegetable samosas, steamed basmati rice, lentil dahl, naan bread, mint chutney, tomato chutney, and cookies.

There’s even a taco bar for those who don’t care that much for curry.

David L. from San Francisco indignantly emailed: “CTM for lunch?  That’s not playing fair.  I might get in traffic for that.”

Mark S. from Davis cynically commented on LinkedIn: “Finally, there is something on the agenda that suits my tastes!”

When contacted for comment, the NoCOUG spokeperson proved unabashedly unapologetic: “There is no legal prohibition against offering mouth-watering lunch options to conference attendees. I urge all Oracle Database professionals to attend this conference. For database administrators, I recommend the Managing the Largest OLTP Database in the World session by the PayPal DBA team. For architects, I recommend Database Platform Selection Tool by the eBay data architects. And, for boys and girls of all ages, I recommend Toad Overview and Roadmap for DBAs, Developers, and Data Analysts. There will also be opportunities to take the eBay Commerce Innovation Showcase tour which is usually offered to industry analysts only. The signup sheet will be posted in the lobby; it’s first come, first served.”

Our reporter heard the NoCOUG spokesperson chuckle as he hung up.

From a NoCOUG insider who asked not to be named publicly, our reporter learned that registrations are going through the proverbial roof as shown in the graph below. On further investigation, he discovered that there is going to be an ice cream social immediately following the Beyond High Availability: Replication’s Changing Role session in the afternoon, further evidence that NoCOUG management will go to any lengths to increase conference attendance.

Conference registration is still open at http://www.nocoug.org/rsvp.html but potential conference attendees are strongly advised to beware of the blandishments and make a purely rational decision to take advantage of the opportunity to hear first-hand from the PayPal and eBay database administrators and data architects, not be tempted by samosas and ice cream.

I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream For Ice Cream (scene from “Down By Law”)