Home > Uncategorized > Northern California Oracle Users Group organizes the mother of all competitions

Northern California Oracle Users Group organizes the mother of all competitions


FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

SILICON VALLEY (APRIL 1, 2019)

In a coolly calculated effort to promote its spring conference featuring a full-day Oracle Database security master class with Oracle ACE director alumnus Dan Morgan on Thursday, May 9 at the PayPal Town Hall in San Jose, the Northern California Oracle Users Group (NoCOUG) is conducting the mother of all competitions with the grand prize being a lifetime NoCOUG individual membership worth a cool $9500 USD at the going rate of $95 USD per year.

Unlike the insanely difficult SQL competitions of the past which required contestants to be brainiacs, the latest NoCOUG competition is as simple as doing an expense report. The winner will be the contestant who has notattended the most NoCOUG conferences even after receiving numerous reminder e-mails. What could be simpler?

The minimum bar is 20 missed NoCOUG conferences in the last five years. For each NoCOUG conference they did not attend during that period, contestants must submit a printout of at least one reminder e-mail they received for that conference plus documentary evidence proving beyond a reasonable doubt that they did not attend that conference. Extra credit will be awarded for multiple reminder e-mails. In lieu of documentary evidence, the judges may, in their discretion, entertain creative excuses such as “I had to go to the doctor to have my head examined” or “I know so much about Oracle Database already that my head felt like it would explode.” If there is a tie, the judges will score the excuses. Opera tickets trump movie tickets, and so on and so forth.

When asked why NoCOUG is rewarding the cool kids who don’t drink the Kool-Aid, the membership director said solemnly: “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.”

Parable of the lost sheep
The parable of the lost sheep
She continued: “Or suppose a woman has ten silver coins and loses one. Doesn’t she light a lamp, sweep the house and search carefully until she finds it? And when she finds it, she calls her friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost coin.’”
Parable of the lost coin
The parable of the lost coin
The winner will be announced on Thursday, May 9, the date of the spring conference at the PayPal Town Hall in San Jose featuring the aforementioned full-day Oracle Database security master class with Oracle ACE director alumnus Dan Morgan. Contestants must claim their prize in person. Of course, attending the conference is an automatic disqualification but c’est la vie. Or as they say in Canada, “ये जो है ज़िन्दगी.”

 

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