Dilbert likes Hadoop clusters

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Here are some old Dilbert cartoons with the references to SQL databases—the hot technology of the 1990s—replaced with references to Hadoop clusters—today’s hot technology. On a more serious note, I recommend the clear explanation of Map-Reduce methodology in Chapter 2 of Prof. Ullman’s book Mining of Massive Datasets which is available for free download from his website. He shows how common relational algebra operations such as Union, Difference, and Intersection can be implemented using Map-Reduce. It therefore surprises me that these operations have not yet been implemented in Hive Query Language (HiveQL) and Pig, poor cousins of SQL found in Hadoop environments.

Feb 27, 1996 (http://www.dilbert.com/fast/1996-02-27/)

Pointy-Haired Boss: I just got our consultant’s report. He’s identified our biggest problem.
Wally: I recommend that we build a tracking database Hadoop cluster.
Dilbert: We can put it on the network.
Pointy-Haired Boss: Would you like to hear what the problem is first?
Wally: I hate to dwell on the negative.
Dilbert: We like databases Hadoop clusters.

Feb 28, 1996 (http://www.dilbert.com/fast/1996-02-28/)

Pointy-Haired Boss: You haven’t heard what the problem is yet; how can you recommend building a database Hadoop cluster to solve it??
Wally: We always build a database Hadoop cluster.
Dilbert: And we’ll need coffee mugs for the project team.
Pointy-Haired Boss: The problem is that we have poor processes.
Wally: That could be the slogan on our mugs!

Dec 16, 1996 (http://www.dilbert.com/fast/1996-12-16/)

Elbonian salesman: Our Elbonian database product Hadoop cluster can replace every one of your current systems.
Dilbert: No thanks.
Elbonian salesman: It can do payroll, accounts receivable, inventory, sales …
Alice: No thanks.
Elbonian salesman: And I’ll throw in some golf balls.
Pointy-Haired Boss: It’s a deal! Just toss them in the lake with all my other ones.

Dec 17, 1996 (http://www.dilbert.com/fast/1996-12-17/)

Pointy-Haired Boss: We’re going to replace our computer support systems with the Elbonian database product Hadoop cluster.
Pointy-Haired Boss: It’s risky, but don’t worry. I’ve hired an outrageously expensive consultant who has never done this before.
Consultant: I earned five hundred dollars this morning just coming to this meeting. How’s your day going?
Wally: It won’t make my top ten.