Top 12 reasons why you should NOT attend the next NoCOUG conference
#12 All NoCOUG emails automatically go to your spam folder, including this one. You rely on Outlook for career guidance.
#11 They won’t send a stretch limousine to pick you up and take you back.
#10 They talked up SQL for 25 years but now, they’re all, like, “No SQL.” I mean, really!
#9 You’re wayyyyy too busy working to learn anything new. (A very good problem to have!)
#8 Your head is exploding with knowledge already. (An even better problem to have!)
#7 It’s always the same people there, like Iggy and Kamran. (We totally understand but we can’t tell Iggy and Kamran to stop coming, can we?)
#6 You were there the day NoCOUG webmaster Eric Hutchinson sang the theme song from Cheers “Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name.” You don’t ever want to hear Eric sing again. Ever!
#5 The food is just too good. You eat to live, not live to eat. (Good for you!)
#4 You don’t appreciate being bribed with free raffle prizes like iPads, Oracle Press teddy bears, and Oracle Press books. (The world needs more upright and honest people!)
#3 You’ve been going for 25 years already; it’s time for a change. You’re going to AARP meetings now (American Association of Retired Persons).
#2 You’ve finally converted your company to Excel spreadsheets. So much cheaper and easier to use!
But the #1 reason not to attend the NoCOUG conference tomorrow is:
#1 You thought that NoCOUG was the North Carolina Oracle Users Group on the East coast!